Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the raccoons are back...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
