Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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