I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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