sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Randomize
