things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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