the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
