i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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