She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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