I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
