I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
