he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
