You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
