those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
