I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
