youre lurking in front of me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
