If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got inside last night via doggy door
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
