she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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