If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
