im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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