can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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