good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize