This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize