Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
