In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
