Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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