Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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