I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
