Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
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