Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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