maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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