We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize