Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
