i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
