based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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