How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
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Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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