fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
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