I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
