9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
