I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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