Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm at about main and main street
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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