Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
