I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
