Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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