you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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