I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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