glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
