I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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