omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
