You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
