He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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