you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
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I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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