The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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