i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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