I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
