I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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